Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Big Bag of Hollywood Bullshit

This is me climbing the emotional scale... from powerlessness into rage. If you're up there in bliss, you may not want to join me down here. On the other hand, it might give you a giggle...

There are good freaks and then there are celebrity freaks who drive Hummers (or think they're God's gift for 'lowering' themselves to drive a Prius). In L.A., we have vast quanitities of both, but especially the latter.

Having just come in from another grueling day of Hollywood nonsense, I'd like to offer the following rant to the latter group and their big bag of bullshit which they offer not only to L.A., but to the world. Simple pointers to take to heart:

1. If you are walking or moving in a direction, look in that direction.
2. Driving a BMW, Lexus, Mercedes, RR, Bentley or some variety of SUV does not entitle you to more of the road, to honk at other cars when they're making turns or parking or give you greater ownership of public places.
3. Being a celebrity simply means in five minutes, the public will loathe you. In ten, they'll have forgotten you. If I'm staring at you, it's so you'll move out of the way, nothing more. Get over yourself.
4. Use your "inside voice" when you're talking on your cell phone in public (and put the damn thing on vibrate).
5. Higher box office or greater sales of a media product does not endow you with artistic integrity, personal validity or entitle you to my table at Real Food Daily. I'm a little indie musician, but I still love my vegetarian food too. Kindly wait your turn like the rest of us.
6. Spirituality is not something you can purchase at the Bodhi Tree or the yoga accessories shop.
7. Sunglasses inside makes you look like the drug addict you probably are, not mysterious. Get yourself to your overpaid Promises retreat (aka "rehab") and get on with it.
8. The waitress you just ripped a new one for not bringing your fucking miso soup fast enough is the next Julia Roberts. And she'll remember you. Try to be nice.
9. Aggression does not equal strength. Shouting does not make you heard. Arrogance does not give you importance. Rein it in.
10. You are one person among billions on a relatively small planet. One. Other people exist.

Aaaah. Feeling better already.

No comments:

Post a Comment