I think Mother Teresa said it near-perfectly:
"I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there."
Every new lesson seems like 'everything' when you're starting to grasp it (or feel like you are). And this is no exception. This is everything.
Every challenge, every goal, every crisis, every annoyance, every joy-- whatever is wanted or unwanted-- the desired outcome will never turn up while I'm proclaiming my grievances.
It feels so necessary I tell you how I was done wrong and by whom. It feels essential I "solve" the problem by addressing it "head on." I mean, I'm not going to stick my head in the sand. Or am I?
I've had a number of people in my life with some difficult behaviors showing up with their difficult behaviors. How I brought that in is anyone's guess. Maybe I complained or worried about money or relationship or health-- it's usually one of those-- and the vibrational match of the crappy behavior patterns heard the clarion call I sent out. But regardless, because that quickly becomes and upstream blame game anyway, here is this unwanted thing-- these people showing up, all different people who don't even know each other, but all of them behave in these maddening and inconsistent manners. All very like each other.
It's as though they called each other up and said "Let's get him. While all do it simultaneously." Very victim of me, I know.
And I would moan and complain and push against one and wouldn't you know it, another's maddening behavior would seem to flare up. I'd scream about how I can't believe that and two of 'em would show up.
Then it started affecting my income. Then it started affecting my relationships. And I railed against those situations.
It starts to take on this Job-like quality (in my indulgent estimation), my woes. Someone probably should have let Job know "the worse it gets, the worse it gets." And when it does, it's more important than ever to look for the thought that feels best.
But I'm not Job. And it's not that bad. And the people doing the maddening things are not that out there. And it's momentary anyway. This too really shall pass. The money will come. The rifts are not that deep and will heal. And I'm turning my boat in the stream. Things are fine.
But it is so much clearer to me than ever that I have this, like, tick-- like I need to rail against something I don't want. It's a reflex. It's what you do. You paddle hard. God forbid you drop those oars. God forbid. Don't put your head in the sand, remember.
Call it what you will, I do need to turn toward what feels better. I gain nothing, practically or otherwise, by detailing my grievances at length. I gain feeling better by talking about what I like. I gain relief by focusing on what is working and what I appreciate. And in those feeling-places, I actually do attract more of the things I want. They're not pinched off and just have an easier time finding their way in.
That's all it is. In sage words of Douglas Adams, "Don't panic." And, really, while you're at it, don't quibble about it, talk about it... don't even write a blog about it. (That was for me).
Talk about what feels better. "Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely..."
Not to get needlessly biblical, but it's the same idea. Along with the 'Doesn't God take great care of the flowers, how much more will God take care of you' bit.
Don't panic. Relax. Focus on what feels like relief and joy and bliss and ease. Don't give your attention to what diminishes those things.
I know I keep relearning the same thing again and again, but it feels a bit more to the point each time.
This may be helping no one but myself, but that has its merits. (I'm learning to be selfish).